I know I write...

but am I a writer?

Salted (adjective): having developed a resistance to disease by surviving it

I have this theory.

Despite what those (who may know far better than me, sure) well-meaning writing mentors say, those who declare elaborately and with grand gesture “Do you write? Well then, my dear, you are a writer!” I find myself wondering lately if

perhaps not everyone who writes is a writer.

Oof. There you go. I said it out loud (kind of).

There are those of us who long for nothing more than ‘to be a writer’. And by that you will most likely mean a paid, published writer, or an author. Someone who wafts around lofty literary circles perhaps, ‘doing drinks’ and air-kissing. Or maybe hides, recessive, bashful, (possibly with a cat), in a cabin in the woods. Either way; extroverted schmoozer, or introverted mountain-dweller, someone who makes a living from their writing.

But I get uncomfortably squirmy when I think of either of these imaginary realities. You know those ideal day scenarios that overly-enthusiastic business coaches ask you to visualise? I feel like my ideal day ought to be one of a writer, living the peaceful writerly life, perhaps a little tortured by my own brilliance, making endless cups of tea in china cups, sucking on pencil ends, daydreaming whimsically, barefoot along the beach (although I do this one already).

That picture makes me a bit…itchy. Practically uneasy. Rather fidgety. The nervous twitch in the crow’s feet of my left eye revisits. The visualisation feels…nice…but it’s not quite right. I’m missing a piece of the puzzle. It’s part of my life, yes, but is it my whole working life?

Claire Venus

and I think

Sarah Raad

have both mused on this topic recently. How we can show up here, on Substack, a writing platform, yes. But also a space of community. Of upliftment. Encouragement. Mutual cheering-on. We can be here, not to brazenly profess our expertise, or to use immaculate grammar. We may miss a hyphen (or use the wrong one, apparently). Either way, our point is one of value. Our view is of worth. Our participation would be missed should we disappear.

This is the perfect space for writers, but also the perfect space for those who are gatherers of people. Impeccable punctuation, or not.

I may live to regret this. But I am wondering if I am not, in fact, a writer.

And, if I am not a writer, what and who am I?

Or perhaps a better question to ask first is ‘What do I choose?’

I wrote an ‘I choose…’ list in my phone notes last September. Have you ever tried it? I thoroughly recommend you having a go. Here’s mine. Raw, untethered, without edit:

• I choose to release the binds of all overwhelming commitments, instead choosing the parts that suit me, when my body and mind feel able.

• I choose comfort and ease for this season.

• I choose my daily life and routine.

• I choose my children, my husband, my dog.

• I choose my home, to release unnecessary ‘stuff’ and keep a clear, tidy space, for a clear mind.

• I choose much, much movement.

• I choose a spacious calendar, free of overwhelming appointments.

• I choose day trips.

• I choose local community and meaningful in-person connection.

• I choose to be a guardian for the land where I live.

• I choose books and knowledge and peace and silence.

• I choose indulgent skincare, and to immerse myself with water, inside and out.

• I choose nourishment, of all kinds.

• I choose uplifting music and songs that make me cry.

• And I choose the subtle excitment that comes with a life that feels free.

And so, returning to that question, if I am not a writer, what and who am I? Well:

I am a mother. I am a creative. I am a gatherer. I am a sharer. I am a journaller. I am a deep-feeler and even deeper-thinker. I am a listener. I am a friend. I am a daughter. I am a wife. I am an intuitive and guided by my gut instincts. I am a mentor. I am a leader. I am a motivator. I am empowered and I empower others. I am an encourager. I am a cheerleader. I am the biggest fan of movement. I am the biggest fan of rest. I am a living contradiction. I am human.

Over to you:

I write, yes. But am I a writer?

Q. If you aren’t ‘a writer’, what and who are you? Does the possibility that you aren’t a writer feel crushing? Or does it feel expansive?

The conversation and comments (usually lively) are open! Pop your thoughts on this topic below, to help us all start to figure this out.

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Salted soundtrack:

The track I can’t stop listening to this month is this one. Not least because 1. well, Jared Leto (shout out to

Claire Holden

and

Silvia Põldaru

as the three of us were totally fan-girling over Mr L in a recent Substack conversation. God I love this space) 2. Jared Leto wearing guy liner and 3. did I mention Jared Leto? Also the video is so highly-stylised, I adore it, even though I do think it could/should have been a Maneskin track. Woah, Jared vs Damiano…mmmmmm…

Ways I’ve been creative this month:

I got dressed up. Twice! Once for the most epic family wedding (Mr S. and youngest bean throwing dancefloor shapes)…

…and again for the most gorgeous (and reserved) afternoon tea Hen Do. Felt like a cross between Fearne Cotton and Florence & The Machine in this frock (what a magical blend!)

Eldest bean won a short story competition and is actually a published author!

Eldest bean and me, using ‘Sid’ the sourdough starter (coolest prezi from a yoga client) to make cheesey sourdough scones. Needless to say they didn’t last long.

Youngest bean (and me, out of shot) prancing around in the waves. Still not quite getting in fully. The sun is here now though. What’s the saying? “Cast ne’er a clout ‘till May be out!”

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I’ve written to you a little early this month as am off on my hols soon. Do forgive me. Usually posts will be sent no more than twice monthly - one of those being in the form of voice notes, for my paid members (“Thank you!”). In the voice notes I’ll go through any health and fitness questions this community have sent me lately, I’ll give you a sneak peek into my own workouts, nutrition and supplements, and occasionally share coastal-inspired meditations or breath practices to soothe and calm your tired, weathered soul. I really hope you’ll join me. Click the yellow button to upgrade.

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With love, from one weathered woman to another,

x Luisa

P.S a restack would be wonderful! Click the little circley arrow thingy below, if you're in the Substack app :)